Last week I boarded a flight to Austin, TX. I looked forward to attending my nephew’s wedding, yet dreaded the anticipated trip to the airport and journey through the skies. How had I become such a wimp? I’ve flown many times in the past, without any angst, but not this time.
I honestly didn’t think I could do it. Spinal surgery two years ago left me with weak legs and a back prone to spasms. I’ve learned to handle day to day activities, including the long walk from the parking lot to the hot water pool at the Y. I had no legitimate reason for my fears, except that I was out of practice.
I planned every step of the way, including early arrival at the airport and wheelchair assist. I found the latter a blessing, for sure. As I waited at the gate, I worried that my nervousness would trigger being carted away as a potential terrorist. When I listened to the safety instructions by the flight attendants, I worried that I’d never be able to jump onto the emergency slide if we had a crash landing.
All of my anxieties were for naught. The wedding was beautiful, and I had a delightful time in Texas. Best of all, I arrived home safely, with the knowledge that I overcame my greatest fear, at least for now.
The beautiful sunset as we landed in Philadelphia will be a memory I won’t soon forget, and the cloud formation above the plane’s wing made me think that the angels watched over me.
As a writer, I have other fears that must be tackled. They’re totally different, perhaps because they’re not life-threatening. The anxiety is related more to my pride, my inner being. I stand in the shadows of great authors who have honed the skill of story telling, with followers who yearn for their next book. Who am I to think I can join their ranks, let alone find readers for my stories?
We all have our inner fears. And the only way to conquer them is by taming them–doing what we think is impossible, over and over, until that very thing becomes routine or, at least, becomes manageable. For my writing, all I have to lose is my pride, and that might not be such a bad thing. Humility is good for the soul, so they say.